We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
