I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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