ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize