I just pynch a tree in the face
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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