You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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