my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
