Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
