i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So here I am, sexting at work.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
