some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
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