She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
