I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
