she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
