so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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