$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
