I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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