You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my being single is dangerous.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
