My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
