Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
