forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
