i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im drinking this country out of the recession.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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