Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
