Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
