you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
