i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
