based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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