Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
