So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
