My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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