Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
