uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
