FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it was like eating out sand paper
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
