I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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