Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So much rum. So many feels.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
