Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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