Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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