5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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