That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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