Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
