did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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