I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
