As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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