I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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