so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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