in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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