On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize