12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
