I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
