Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize