I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize