I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
