You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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