Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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