Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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