party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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