THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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