uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
