So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
