I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
