Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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