you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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