Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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