I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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