just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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