Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
