The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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