There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
