I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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