Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
