This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
