If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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