4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
