Jerry, you need to find god
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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