So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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