like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
