Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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