hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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