wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
