Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think i got beer on your cat.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
