It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
