One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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