I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm jealous of your bromance
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
